Straight into the Woodchips

In a very special document that is mine-all-mine, there's an allusion to how righteous my children will be. Lucky for me, it's a positive allusion, rather than a warning sign for the destruction they will cause.

And you know what? I believe it.

My baby absolutely loves sacrament meeting. Very nearly every sacrament meeting since I felt his first kick, he has rocked me not-so-gently. I used to think that it was the time of day, not necessarily the day of the week, until we totally changed wards and meeting times and places altogether. He still digs it.

And it's never caused me problems. Until now.

This past Sunday, I had a great morning. I accomplished all of my goals, ate breakfast at a decent time and remembered to eat before our 1 pm block. Things were going well until the Bishop got up to start the meeting. It was then that I had to arch my back, twist my loins, do anything possible to give the baby more room and less me to kick. Like a veritable punching bag, I was unable to get out of the way of my own volition. He follows me wherever I go!

I had made it to the musical number, after listening to a 2 month-returned missionary who served in Melbourne and still had a tinge of an accent, and the baby was still rocking my world. Then, my internal "ding!" set off. My body is nice and lets me know when I am about to vomit, giving me plenty of time beforehand to go somewhere appropriate. I stood up, scooched past Caleb and Grandma, and was on my way to the women's restroom.

As I pushed open the door, I saw that there were no available stalls. Typically, this would be alright, as I could meander around and wait to do my business. But, this being Sunday and all, the baby was still letting me know how spiritual he is and thus expedited the process. Not wanting to throw up in the sink, which was placed ridiculously far from the edge of the counter anyway, I walked out of the restroom and went to the only other place I knew I could find solace.

The woodchips.

The women's restroom is located right next to an entrance/exit. That entrance/exit is located next to some lovely bushes. Those bushes are located in a flowerbed filled with woodchips.

And woodchips are a)absorbent, b)cover up-able, and most importantly, c) my only hope.

So, there it was. Things were fine. I didn't notice any passersby. I revisted the restroom and washed my hands. I took a sip of water from the drinking fountain. Walked back into the meeting and found my place on the pew.

All the while, a not-so-tiny baby was letting me know that he can't wait to come out - he's got too big a spirit to be inside any longer!