I Can't Today

Taken from January 21, 2004 journal entry:

Yeah, I am wonderful.
I exude wonderful.
I enhance wonderful.
And make it into something so bright that even I can't look around and see what time of day it should be.

And I know that when I get in the mood for spewing thoughts and belching verbs, I should be writing or singing or making love. However, none fit the fancy and none supply themselves readily, so I contract myself to more mundane things.

Sending out the flat feeling that makes my joints buckle and my shoes velcro on this shiny night takes a lot more than just some elbow grease and a penny.

It takes finding that spot of moonlight where there is none other than Mr. Prince Charming telling me that the second star to the right may be closer than I think. But the future looks dim cause it's oh so far away. And maybe I'll find my fun somewhere else.

Or at least, I hope so.

********

There is always something that I don't have. Back then, it was a Mr. Prince Charming. And now that I do, I apparently don't have enough of something else. It's been a hard day that just got harder.