How My Mind Operates, or Why I Am Too Dangerous to Play Sports

Today was the beginning of the grand Make Every Day a Celebration week. I had planned on celebrating by having an impromptu solo dance party here in the basement, but those plans fell through when I got a bout of the grumpies. Luckily for me and unfortunately for her, Whitney called and asked if we could postpone the experiment one day, as she had received some bad news earlier in the day.

Now, I'm not the commissioner of Celebration week, but I figure that if both people (and maybe Julie?) in the experiment are unwilling participants, then it is perfectly fine to put it off.

So, there it is.

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Something I've been really concerned about for the coming months has not been changing diapers. It has not been late nights or changes in my social life.

Lately, all I can think about is how will I be able to whip my body into shape sans baby-in-my-guts. Initially, I was hoping that Santa would get me a Wii Fit that I would be able to do in the comfort (and embarrassment) of my own home. Unfortunately, Santa sent me a notice that this year will not be a Wii year. So, then I thought about how I've accomplished similar goals in the past and I thought about my beautiful, wonderful treadmill. That's sitting in storage. And has nowhere to even remotely call home in this basement. My thoughts then turned to utilizing the outdoors; this has always been somewhat of an embarrassment to me, since I turn SEVERELY red with any kind of physical exertion. But, maybe with a baby stroller and a cute baby, I'd be able to stave off the fear of judgment and hope that all the attention would go to the baby. Then I remembered - though it has not snowed yet, it will. Finally, my mind wandered to thoughts of the pool opening in the spring. I wouldn't mind doing laps in the pool, but do I really want to live with alllllll of this until the spring?

I'm at an impasse. A vain and First-World impasse.

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Even in fantasy football, the fact that I may lose to an opponent each week fills me with indistinguishable rage.