You Can Vibe Without Me If You Want

My husband is sick today. Now, that presents many a sidetrack to the day, but not bad ones by any means. Obviously, we can't rollerblade in the park while talking about the latest gossip or finally take that road trip to Vegas, but we can still lead pretty normal lives. Or, at least, I can.

I'm not the one who's sick! He is!

He has to deal with the mucus and the atrophy that surrounds his being conscious. He has to do mounds of homework and get his booty to work. He has to focus on getting better while feeling worse about school.

It seems more appropriate to me that I be the one who is sick, because then I can lounge around all day, huddling closer to my blankie and OJ. I wish there were an option that allowed me to take his sickness from him and maybe even extend it by double, as the cost of shipping and handling. I'd be willing to pay the price.

***

I haven't turned on the TV once today. Probably an unconscious goal of mine, but still a worthy endeavor. Instead, I have been surfing the internet, avoiding phone calls from the neighbor across the way and listening to Mr. A-Z. The day never holds too much for me, if only because I don't really allow myself to make a full schedule. I could be one of those empty nest ladies who has lunch at 11 with the girls, followed by a mani/pedi and then working for some charity. But, the old hermit just doesn't want to get out of the house too often; this makes my husband weary of leaving me here for so long.

"I feel guilty for leaving you here all by yourself when I go to school or work," he says.

And I typically respond by brushing it off. It's my own fault, I know. I'm not being a great member of society right now and I'm not really doing anything to help myself or others. I don't feel great about it.

***

I've had the strange urge to do two things, recently. The first thing is to play truth or dare with a group of pretty daring kids; I can't even imagine who this group would entail, but it would probably end up being two rounds and then board games or something. The other, more odd thing (if there is anything more odd than a desire to play a party game) is to become friends with my husband's former love. He and I had a talk about what actually happened in her life when he knew her and I wanted to give her the biggest hug imaginable. She brushed him off for 8 years and now I want to give her all the love that he did, but more. The only explanation for this strange wish is that I feel connected to her through her past misdeeds.

I was there! I have felt powerless like that! Let me help!

But, there is no easy way to say, "Hi, my name is Holly and I know that I am having sex with your former best friend, but I feel like we should be BFF." There is no surefire way to maintain a friendship with someone long distance who could barely maintain a friendship with someone who she saw every day. I can't possibly find a way that would insure my newfound friendship wouldn't stir up old feelings for her in my husband. There is nothing I can do or say that would make my friendship with this girl a good thing or a right thing to do.

But I still want to do it.

***

I hope that my thoughts go out to no one today.